An SPD Christmas

I'm sure I'm not the only one who does this, am I? When picking out Brady's gifts for Christmas, the first thought is what would be helpful for his sensory diet. And most of the things he got were to help me help him. Like games with pieces that he can carry through his tunnel or take across the room on his scooter board. And "What's in Ned's Head?" to help him with tactile discrimination. And of course, his new crash mat!!

The best present of the year needs a little background....

Brady is obsessed with Spiderman now, and the top of his Christmas list was a web shooter. He's been trying to figure out how to climb the walls and shoot a web to swing on for awhile now. Less than a week before Christmas, he was talking about how he wished he'd asked Santa for sticky hands and feet to go along with his web so that he could really be like Spiderman. This is when we realized that he thought the "web shooter" was actually going to let him swing from the rafters. So, Daddy goes googling to find him something, anything, that he could safely swing from. We looked at zip lines, but it's a bit cold outside for that and I really needed something active that he could do in the house. Then, we came across the perfect thing for our little guy - The Twizzler II. Not only can he pretend to be Spiderman, he can swing and crash into his mat.  So now we've basically turned our "formal living room" into a gymnasium, and he LOVES it.

Psychologist

We had our first appointment this morning, and it went pretty well. Brady played nicely while we talked about some of the things we're concerned about. We all knew he was listening even though he acted like he wasn't, so she pulled him into the conversation every so often to ask him what he thought about what we were talking about and to get confirmation that he had a hard time with those things. Then, Brady and Daddy went out into the hall while the doctor and I talked privately and I could go into more detail with examples of his behavior, and explaining what type of reward systems we've used, etc. We left with lots of questionnaires to fill out, and a couple sheets for his teacher to fill out. After we get all those back to her, we'll set up another appointment for her to play with Brady. Brady said he liked her and seemed okay with the idea of meeting with her more. I'm really hoping all of this is worth it in the end and we'll figure out how to help him. Never thought we'd have to go to a professional to get help with parenting our kid. Sometimes I wonder if we're overreacting or trying to find something to blame our kid's behavior on. Or, that he's a normal little boy and we just can't handle it. I'm sure plenty of people that know us and him probably think that's what it is b/c he can usually hold it together so well outside of the home. But, then he'll have an "episode" where we're all left exhausted, scared, and overwhelmed (Brady included) and I remember why we started down this path to begin with. We shouldn't have to live like this, always waiting for an explosion and walking on eggshells trying to keep another explosion from happening. He's such a loving, sweet kid and I hope we can take care of all this other stuff so that he can have a happier, less stressful childhood.

Homemade crash pad

I'm so excited! I finally got around to making a crash pad for Brady. Hoping to get the rings and rope ladder from Ikea at some point, and we can have a little therapy area. Plus, we're getting tired of the boys always pulling the couch apart just to jump on the cushions! I found a twin duvet cover at Bed, Bath & Beyond for $15, and as an added bonus, it's a super soft plush fabric. Last one left, like it was just waiting for me. I also found a company near me that basically does custom foam cutting for other companies. They let me use a bunch of foam from their scrap pile, and even cut it up into pieces for me. So excited! They'll be getting it for Christmas, and I'm sure it'll be a hit. It's now hiding in our unfinished basement, and I honestly don't know where it's going to live once it has to come upstairs as it's pretty big.

More on the bus, and maybe some hope for help?

In my last post, I was talking about Brady's bus behavior and how he was going to start sitting by himself.

Well, that didn't exactly help things. I thought he was doing ok, but then the driver called me up one day to tell me that she'd have to write him up b/c another parent had called to complain about his behavior. The next day, I got a call from the Asst. Principal telling me that Brady had scratched another kid while walking from the bus to the school. On the face, from right by his eye down his cheek, drawing blood, for no apparent reason. I happened to be having lunch with him that day, so I stopped by her office afterwards. She had talked to his teacher about his sensory issues, and she was actually pretty familiar with the disorder and things that can help! I was very encouraged. She had already talked to the school's OT about some ideas to help him on the bus and during school. She has an older student with the same problem who she pulls out of class to do "chores" for her while wearing a heavy backpack, and PE teacher will let kids come to the gym for sensory breaks . The Asst. Principal is going to work with the OT to get a game plan in place to help Brady get some breaks during the day. It feels great to have someone willing to help us even though he doesn't qualify for an IEP. We got a release form for our OT to talk to the school's OT. And, as an added bonus, we actually know the school's OT. She's a friend of a friend and we have been to many parties together. I feel like we are actually on the road to getting Brady what he needs. Too bad it took him drawing blood from another kid's face to do it.

So, back to the bus.  Apparently, he's been sliding under his seat to get to the kids behind him and bother them. And he's been grabbing and messing up artwork, even threw one out the window. Sounds like he has been seriously out of control. I truly think it's the noise on the bus that is hyping him up. He used to avoid loud settings like that, but he can now "cope" with it. Problem is, it usually causes him to lose control of his body.

He was off the bus for the last half of last week. Hard for us b/c I have to wake little brother up from his nap to get to school in time in the afternoon. And Brady was seriously averse to the drop off line in the morning. Lots of drama after waiting in the line, pulling up to the curb, and then having to go park in a faraway place and walk him in with Henry in tow.  We're planning on him riding the bus again tomorrow, and I'm nervous. Here's our plan -
1 - He'll have headphones playing classical music and our old iPhone to play games. Hoping the music will drown out the bus noise, and the games will help him keep his hands to himself.
2 - A fourth grader (friend from across the street) will sit with him to help if he needs reminding about turning on his music and playing his games and staying in his seat.
3 - I've been reminding him that having his bottom touching the seat is the only way to be safe on the bus. If the bus is moving, then his bottom needs to be on the seat. Just like when the car is moving, his buckles have to be buckled.
4 - The Asst. Principal is going to try to get a weighted lap pad for him to keep on the bus. He has one in the car, and he is much calmer when he has it on.

I'm scared, but we'll give it a week and see how it goes. I have a feeling I'll most likely be driving him after the winter break b/c it always seems like my best laid plans don't work with him. But, we'll see...

The Bus

I got called onto the bus yesterday afternoon, and the driver told me that he's having a very hard time staying seated and keeping his hands to himself. SHOCKER!! No, really, it made me sad b/c I thought he was doing ok, as he is in class. So, for now, he's going to have to sit by himself in the first row. We had a long talk last night, and I told him to keep his backpack on his lap, hoping the weight of it will help remind him to stay on his bottom. He's usually pretty good when it comes to safety-related things, so I tried explaining how the only way to stay safe on the bus is to sit in the seat correctly. Equated standing up or getting on his knees to unbuckling his car seat straps. I'm huge on car safety, so I was already worried about sending him off on a bus. If he doesn't get better, I'm going to have to start driving him, which none of us really want. I told him that if he can start sitting correctly, then after awhile we'll try to let a friend sit with him. The driver seems very helpful and sympathetic, so I think we'll get him straight. But it does worry me that she has to worry about all these kids, Brady bouncing around included, while driving down a two lane road!

Oh, and I made sure he took his fidget wristband with him today and really showed him how he can play with it, which I realized I've probably never done. Maybe that will give him something to do since he's used to having friends with him :(.

Update

I haven't given an update on where we are with Brady lately, so here it is.

A couple months ago, in the midst of our very difficult summer, I had made an appointment to have Brady re-evaluated for OT b/c I felt like he was back sliding quickly after 8 months without OT. Last week was the earliest they could see us. At this point, I keep feeling like he's doing better, but I think it's more that he's now in full day school and I'm not dealing with his antics all day long. On the weekends, Daddy's around most of the time, taking a lot of the burden off of me. And, we've all gotten better at recognizing when he needs to bump and crash and climb and kick and we (Brady included) now know of ways to get it appropriately. Still, he's been having a lot of behavior problems that could or could not be SPD-related. So, off to the evaluation we go. She does the normal fine-motor testing, everything's caught up there (good, but means insurance won't cover any OT now). Then she does some muscle and reflex testing. Found out something new there - he was asymmetrical tonic neck reflex, something that is supposed to go away by 6 months of age and that is now hindering his ability to hold his pencil correctly. He grips it kind of weirdly and too tight in order to fight the reflex that shouldn't be there. It was a simple test to find this out, but no one had done it before. And I did it to my husband. Guess what? He has it too!

By the end of the session, Brady was getting bored and jumping on the padded bed in the testing room, so the evaluator got to see that side of him. She gave him a sensory toy to play with, too. Then, she got to see a little bit of the behavior problems that we've been dealing with. He refused to give up the toy. He screamed that he wanted to be alone as he tried to hide from us. In my mind, I know that's what he does when he starts feeling threatened and is scared he'll start hitting and kicking. Too bad this wasn't the time or place to run off and hide. We got him out towards the waiting room and he did finally give up the toy - by throwing it at the OT. Then, we took the next ten minutes trying to get him to pick it up and hand it to her. He is just so darn defiant!! That's when she emphatically re-answered an earlier question I had asked - "Yes, I think it would be a very good idea to talk to the psychologist". I've had this nagging feeling that there's more to Brady's problems than just the SPD. I feel like we've got a decent handle on it, but he's still acting out. So, we've filled out the paperwork and are waiting on a call to set up an appointment with her. And, in the meantime, we're going to do some more OT, once a week, to make sure his system is organized before we start anything else.

In other news, we met with his teacher later in the week and she thinks he's doing fine. Not any worse than some of the other boys. Just a bit fidgety mostly, started doing cartwheels one day, hitting someone the next but overall not a disruption to the classroom. He's having a little trouble getting some of his work done, but it's getting better. We told her some things she can do to help him, and we just hope she'll do them and he'll be able to progress well in school.

Siblings

As part of the SPD Blogger Network, the September Blog Carnival was to post about Sensational Siblings. I've been planning to write a post about siblings for awhile now, but I'm finally getting around to actually doing it. I've been reading some of the posts so far, and I'm seeing alot about older siblings coming to understand the younger ones difficulties and finding ways to help him do better. Unfortunately, our SPD child is the oldest and doesn't have that example.

For awhile, we thought Brady just might be an only. He was such a handful that I knew I couldn't handle another one as I saw most of my friends having their seconds. We finally decided to have another, and we were so blessed with a little brother for Brady. He loved babies, even chose to play with them instead of other kids his own age at playgroups. The biggest problem we had when Henry was a baby was that Brady didn't know where his limbs were, and those limbs were constantly on the move. It was exhausting just making sure that he didn't hurt Henry by accident and at the same time making sure he was able to play with him and give him the love he wanted to. Now that Henry is 2, they are best friends. Henry follows him around and copies everything he does (good and bad, unfortunately). And Henry is such a sweet, calm, snuggly little one. I'm so glad we got to experience that since Brady never liked to be held much and couldn't be left alone as a toddler b/c he was too destructive and I was scared he'd get hurt. Henry will go off to the playroom and play quietly by himself while I get other things done.

I do have to say, though, that it's tough with the oldest one having sensory and aggression issues. Henry copies EVERYTHING. I see some of Brady coming out in Henry. A lot of it is typical toddler behavior (which Brady hasn't completely outgrown) that will hopefully get better, but I worry that if we don't get a handle on Brady's problems, Henry will view that as how his behavior is supposed to be.

Henry misses Brady terribly while he's at school. As soon as the bus pulls away in the morning, Henry mopes back home saying "want Brady back". It's very sweet, and he's very excited to go pick him up in the afternoon. Problem is, Brady usually needs a little alone time after school, and he refuses to go to his room. Henry's too young to understand and just wants to play with his brother. And when someone gets in Brady's space at the wrong time, they get hurt. So I have to keep a crying toddler away from his brother so that nobody gets hurt, while somehow cooking a decent dinner (Brady doesn't get home until 4). Poor Henry does get abused a little. Brady also goes through phases of slapping him or pushing him down whenever I leave the room just for fun, but that seems to be getting better since Brady has realized that I have eyes in family room even when I'm in the kitchen.

It's funny how quickly little kids learn to protect themselves. Henry has now learned to duck and cover when Brady starts running around like a crazy person not looking where's he's going. He also listens very well to the command "Watch out, Henry!" And Brady is also learning to give that command when Henry's a little too close to line of fire.

Henry has also helped me see that Brady really was a handful, and it wasn't just bad discipline. So many of my friends would tell me that their kid just knows such and such is a rule so they do what they are supposed to do. Always made me feel like I was doing something wrong. A lot of them had handfuls for second children, so maybe they are now seeing that it wasn't that they were such good teachers, but they're first children just liked to please. Whenever I have to correct Henry, he gets this sad look on his face and says "k" in his little voice. Or, I threaten time-out, and he'll go there on his own and actually stay there. With Brady, time-out always turned into a game of chase, and we ended up having to buckle him down to an old car seat to teach him how to stay in time-out. And when I count, he asks what happens when I get to three. He's not worried about pleasing anyone, just wants to know if the crime is worth the punishment.

All and all, I am so glad that they both have a brother to grow up with, and am actually amazed at how well they can play together sometimes. Brady loves to make his little brother laugh, and he can be so sweet and gentle with him. They kiss each other's boo-boos. It's times like those that make other the stuff worth putting up with.