Update

I haven't given an update on where we are with Brady lately, so here it is.

A couple months ago, in the midst of our very difficult summer, I had made an appointment to have Brady re-evaluated for OT b/c I felt like he was back sliding quickly after 8 months without OT. Last week was the earliest they could see us. At this point, I keep feeling like he's doing better, but I think it's more that he's now in full day school and I'm not dealing with his antics all day long. On the weekends, Daddy's around most of the time, taking a lot of the burden off of me. And, we've all gotten better at recognizing when he needs to bump and crash and climb and kick and we (Brady included) now know of ways to get it appropriately. Still, he's been having a lot of behavior problems that could or could not be SPD-related. So, off to the evaluation we go. She does the normal fine-motor testing, everything's caught up there (good, but means insurance won't cover any OT now). Then she does some muscle and reflex testing. Found out something new there - he was asymmetrical tonic neck reflex, something that is supposed to go away by 6 months of age and that is now hindering his ability to hold his pencil correctly. He grips it kind of weirdly and too tight in order to fight the reflex that shouldn't be there. It was a simple test to find this out, but no one had done it before. And I did it to my husband. Guess what? He has it too!

By the end of the session, Brady was getting bored and jumping on the padded bed in the testing room, so the evaluator got to see that side of him. She gave him a sensory toy to play with, too. Then, she got to see a little bit of the behavior problems that we've been dealing with. He refused to give up the toy. He screamed that he wanted to be alone as he tried to hide from us. In my mind, I know that's what he does when he starts feeling threatened and is scared he'll start hitting and kicking. Too bad this wasn't the time or place to run off and hide. We got him out towards the waiting room and he did finally give up the toy - by throwing it at the OT. Then, we took the next ten minutes trying to get him to pick it up and hand it to her. He is just so darn defiant!! That's when she emphatically re-answered an earlier question I had asked - "Yes, I think it would be a very good idea to talk to the psychologist". I've had this nagging feeling that there's more to Brady's problems than just the SPD. I feel like we've got a decent handle on it, but he's still acting out. So, we've filled out the paperwork and are waiting on a call to set up an appointment with her. And, in the meantime, we're going to do some more OT, once a week, to make sure his system is organized before we start anything else.

In other news, we met with his teacher later in the week and she thinks he's doing fine. Not any worse than some of the other boys. Just a bit fidgety mostly, started doing cartwheels one day, hitting someone the next but overall not a disruption to the classroom. He's having a little trouble getting some of his work done, but it's getting better. We told her some things she can do to help him, and we just hope she'll do them and he'll be able to progress well in school.

Siblings

As part of the SPD Blogger Network, the September Blog Carnival was to post about Sensational Siblings. I've been planning to write a post about siblings for awhile now, but I'm finally getting around to actually doing it. I've been reading some of the posts so far, and I'm seeing alot about older siblings coming to understand the younger ones difficulties and finding ways to help him do better. Unfortunately, our SPD child is the oldest and doesn't have that example.

For awhile, we thought Brady just might be an only. He was such a handful that I knew I couldn't handle another one as I saw most of my friends having their seconds. We finally decided to have another, and we were so blessed with a little brother for Brady. He loved babies, even chose to play with them instead of other kids his own age at playgroups. The biggest problem we had when Henry was a baby was that Brady didn't know where his limbs were, and those limbs were constantly on the move. It was exhausting just making sure that he didn't hurt Henry by accident and at the same time making sure he was able to play with him and give him the love he wanted to. Now that Henry is 2, they are best friends. Henry follows him around and copies everything he does (good and bad, unfortunately). And Henry is such a sweet, calm, snuggly little one. I'm so glad we got to experience that since Brady never liked to be held much and couldn't be left alone as a toddler b/c he was too destructive and I was scared he'd get hurt. Henry will go off to the playroom and play quietly by himself while I get other things done.

I do have to say, though, that it's tough with the oldest one having sensory and aggression issues. Henry copies EVERYTHING. I see some of Brady coming out in Henry. A lot of it is typical toddler behavior (which Brady hasn't completely outgrown) that will hopefully get better, but I worry that if we don't get a handle on Brady's problems, Henry will view that as how his behavior is supposed to be.

Henry misses Brady terribly while he's at school. As soon as the bus pulls away in the morning, Henry mopes back home saying "want Brady back". It's very sweet, and he's very excited to go pick him up in the afternoon. Problem is, Brady usually needs a little alone time after school, and he refuses to go to his room. Henry's too young to understand and just wants to play with his brother. And when someone gets in Brady's space at the wrong time, they get hurt. So I have to keep a crying toddler away from his brother so that nobody gets hurt, while somehow cooking a decent dinner (Brady doesn't get home until 4). Poor Henry does get abused a little. Brady also goes through phases of slapping him or pushing him down whenever I leave the room just for fun, but that seems to be getting better since Brady has realized that I have eyes in family room even when I'm in the kitchen.

It's funny how quickly little kids learn to protect themselves. Henry has now learned to duck and cover when Brady starts running around like a crazy person not looking where's he's going. He also listens very well to the command "Watch out, Henry!" And Brady is also learning to give that command when Henry's a little too close to line of fire.

Henry has also helped me see that Brady really was a handful, and it wasn't just bad discipline. So many of my friends would tell me that their kid just knows such and such is a rule so they do what they are supposed to do. Always made me feel like I was doing something wrong. A lot of them had handfuls for second children, so maybe they are now seeing that it wasn't that they were such good teachers, but they're first children just liked to please. Whenever I have to correct Henry, he gets this sad look on his face and says "k" in his little voice. Or, I threaten time-out, and he'll go there on his own and actually stay there. With Brady, time-out always turned into a game of chase, and we ended up having to buckle him down to an old car seat to teach him how to stay in time-out. And when I count, he asks what happens when I get to three. He's not worried about pleasing anyone, just wants to know if the crime is worth the punishment.

All and all, I am so glad that they both have a brother to grow up with, and am actually amazed at how well they can play together sometimes. Brady loves to make his little brother laugh, and he can be so sweet and gentle with him. They kiss each other's boo-boos. It's times like those that make other the stuff worth putting up with.

My Big, Brave 5 Year Old

Brady came down this morning wearing a shirt that is known to have an itchy tag. He always wear another shirt under it to protect his skin.

He let me help him put on the "short socks" that he threw at me the last time we tried them thinking they were Henry's and telling me they were waaaaaaaay too small (ankle socks instead of crew socks) .

He got through his first fire drill at school, said it was just a little scary but he was brave and got in line with the other kids.

He allowed me to put on his socks and shoes yesterday even though he had a little boo-boo on his ankle. I was bracing for the shoe being thrown at me, but he just calmly told me he was ok with it.

He went out to dinner and then to bed last night and to school this morning w/out finding his lost toy lizard.

He says he loves the noise of the cafeteria!

He said he'd rather play chalk during recess than on the equipment??

He's been fine with the string of the nametag around his neck, which he couldn't stand touching his skin at orientation.

"Now that I'm 5, I'm a lot braver and that stuff doesn't bother me. When I was 4 it did, but now that I'm 5 it doesn't."

I could just cry! He's come so far in the last couple of years. At least so far, it's looking like Kindergarten is agreeing with him. I hope it keeps up! And I hope the itchy tag and short socks don't make him have a bad day today after he insisted he was fine with them.

Kindergarten!

Brady started Kindergarten this week!! After two days, he says he LOVES it.

He did very well getting ready the first two days, but today I got a glimpse of how it's probably going to go more often than not. He gets so darn distracted when he's supposed to be getting ready in the morning. He has his clothes picked out for the whole week in his closet, but comes down this morning in something different. Grr... that means he has to go back upstairs to change after breakfast (and no, he didn't want to wear his initial outfit which would have been fine with me). So, Henry is downstairs eating breakfast and Brady is upstairs doing who knows what? He FINALLY gets changed and comes down. Apparently, when he was eating breakfast he had asked to help me clean (he saw me wiping the table) and I had told him yes, once he was ready. Too bad it took him close to 30 minutes to be ready and at that point it was almost time to leave. So, to avoid an explosion, I gave him a sponge and let him wipe the table. Luckily, once Henry was done eating, he was ok stopping the cleaning because he's determined to the first one at the bus stop. Letting him clean always worries me b/c he doesn't want to ever stop, EVER. Combine these things with a new plastic lizard that he has to take care of AT ALL TIMES, and I'm starting to see our rough mornings getting to school coming back.

Oh, and we've just started soccer with practice on Wednesday nights. He gets off the bus at 4pm and has to be at practice by 5:30pm. So yesterday (our first time doing this), was a nightmare! I let him watch a show when he got home, and then he had to eat some dinner. He ate a tiny bit of dinner and then I started asking him to get his soccer stuff from his room. The process started off well enough, but then something changed and his tiredness led to meltdowns and explosions. I'm not even really sure what happened, but I remember one of them was caused by him tripping over his own feet. He blamed me b/c I was sort of near him, so he ran away from me and crashed onto the couch, screaming that he needed to be alone and don't talk to him and don't be near him. So I have to grab Henry and carry him away screaming(he's missed Brady all day and just wants to be near him). I could see it in Brady's eyes that if we didn't get away from him that we would be hurt. So, we sent Daddy off to soccer (he's the coach and HAS to be there on time) and let Brady cool off. About 10 minutes later, he came to the other room and let me help him finish getting ready. We had a small explosion at the soccer field, but luckily it was all directed at me b/c I wouldn't let him pull up all the turf on the field.  Bedtime wasn't much better b/c he couldn't find an appropriate blanket to tuck his lizard in with. It was almost 9 by the time he fell asleep. I'm worried about this evening b/c of the lack of sleep and the grandparents will have to put him to bed as we head off to preschool orientation. And grandparents get him very keyed up.

On a good note - When he gets that crazy, "I'm gonna hurt someone" look in his eyes, he's running off to be alone and hiding behind the couch cushions instead of running at me with his fists and feet flailing. I think he might actually be learning some self-control! So, whether we're running late or not, I guess I'll just have to be thankful that he's finding the time and place to cool off instead of hurting me or his little brother.

Happy Birthday!

Brady's 5th birthday was yesterday.

Last Saturday, we had a party at Chuck E Cheese (his choice).  He chose this venue because we had been there for another birthday party a couple months ago. The birthday child gets an inflatable crown with tokens and gets to try and catch tickets in a ticket blaster. He was VERY excited about getting in the ticket blaster. I knew VERY well that there was no way he'd actually do it. I wanted to give him the best possible shot at being able to do it, so we had them turn it on beforehand so he could see just how loud it was. He was still excited about it. They said Daddy could go in it with him.  Once the time came, he insisted that Daddy go first, without him. He LOVED watching Daddy do it (and Daddy gots LOTS of tickets!). After Daddy was done, he managed to get himself in there with a terrified look on his face. They started it up and he begged to get out instantly. Luckily, the attendant turned it off very quickly when I told her to so that he didn't completely freak. I could see it in his eyes that if he was in there for 5 more seconds, he would have completely melted down. In the end, I was just super proud of him for trying, especially considering how he probably would not have even gone near it a couple years ago. It's hard, though, to know that your kid really wants to do something and just can't handle it.

Waiting for it to start

 

So, happy birthday to my sweet little boy! It's been a long road, but I feel like we're finally starting to understand you and how to help you be the best Brady you can be!

The Beach and Looking Back

First of all, I'd like to apologize for being a horrible blogger lately! I keep thinking of post ideas, but haven't found the time to actually get them written.

We went to the beach with my family a few weeks ago. Brady absolutely LOVED the beach. Everything about it. He played in the sand, carried tons of buckets of water to the hole that was inevitably dug every day. Even splashed in the surf, and rode in the kayak with Daddy. My eyes kept seeing all the proprioceptive input he was getting all day long (which he never tired of), and I think it helped get him to do this -

Before this trip, it took all he had to just get his face in the water, but at the beach, he very easily jumped in from the side and dove for torpedos. It was amazing.

I couldn't help but think about the last time we were at this exact beach in this exact house - 3 years ago. Brady was almost 2 and I'd never even heard of SPD. I was reading "Raising Your Spirited Child" to help figure him out. It did help to some extent, btw. The one thing that sticks out most in my mind is how he reacted to the ocean. We were in the Outer Banks, where you have to walk up steps to go over the big sand dunes. You couldn't hear or see the ocean before you reached the top. And as soon as you reached the top with Brady, he'd start crying and screaming and trying to jump out of your arms back toward the house. It was crazy! Each day got a little better. I think it was the second or third day of trying to get him out there, as we were standing at the top of the stairs, he started saying "OFF!" while pointing out at the ocean. Aha! That's the problem, it was TOO LOUD! Too bad I couldn't fix that for him. So we spent a lot of time at the house, and towards the end of the week he could tolerate it enough to go and play in the sand with his cousins for awhile.  I also remember some drinks getting splled b/c we were with people who weren't used to his craziness and would dare to leave a drink unattended within his reach, and a lot of food being thrown during the big family meals, and other people's food being pushed away if it got too close to his personal space. I remember him spending most of the meals with his booster seat up against the wall so that he couldn't reach anyone else's food and push it on the floor.

So, it was interesting to be back in the same house again, with an older Brady whom we now understand a bit more and Henry being about the same age Brady was the first time. With understanding what is behind a child's blowups, it is easier to diffuse them. I could see it in his eyes when he was about to get aggressive and could usually diffuse the situation, and he played wonderfully with his cousins at the house, the pool and the beach. It was also interesting to see how Henry did with it all. He loved the beach (unless sand touched his face) and the pool from the start, and left everyone's food alone. He had more meltdowns than normal, but I think that's to be expected at 2 years old.

Two kids in one?

Most people who know Brady love his sweet personality and love of life, not to mention his hilarious antics and funny quotes. He's very smart and wants to know everything about everything. He's a wonderful big brother, making sure Henry is ok when he cries, wanting him to play in his room with him, and teaching him how to do "big kid things". He tells us he loves us all the time.  He loves his friends and makes them cards and wants them to come over all the time.

And then there's his other side. The side that slaps, kicks, scratches when you touch him to try to get his attention when he's ignoring you. The side that runs to attack you because you did something that he didn't like. The side that kicks you in the gut if you try to brush his skin or help put on his shoes when he's not in the mood. This side of Brady is starting to get scary when it shows up.

Brady has always been an aggressive kid. When he was a toddler, he was usually the first one to hit at playgroups and would run and tackle kids at his gym class. Sometimes, he'd be standing up for himself when someone took his toy and that was pretty normal for that age. But it was the times where it was completely out of the blue that were hard to handle. How do you help a kid "use their words" when you had no idea what he was trying to say? As he started talking better, things got better, at least in public, and when it did happen, I'd at least be able to see why it happened. As we learned about his SPD, I realized that he was doing these things at playgroups and gym class because he wanted to leave (that was usually the consequence) and couldn't tell me in an appropriate way. And then I felt guilty for putting him in those overstimulating situations.

We really persued the SPD diagnosis because he was having problems in 3yr old preschool. Whenever they lined up, he pushed and they dominoed. When another kid got into his personal space, they'd get a toy thrown in their face or pushed down or hit. After several months of OT, he did beautifully in 4 yr old preschool. We still had some problems here and there, it's just in his nature, but it was manageable. Then came the summer and a big increase in the aggression, most of it aimed at me.

We have just finished reading "The Exposive Child" and it has definitely helped with the predictible explosions, when I know that something is coming that might cause one. But usually the aggression comes out when someone does something that he wasn't expecting in his mind, or does it the wrong way. Or, if he doesn't want to do something that needs to be done, he'll either ignore me or talk over me. I used to be successful is getting him to listen if I touched his shoulders. But lately, he runs away from me, and if I'm successful in getting close to him, I get hit or kicked.

I just scheduled a new OT evaluation, but couldn't get in until the end of September! Grrr..... So, for now, I'm banking on a new dedication to his picture schedule, sensory diet, and just hoping that the routine of school in September helps to allow us to see the sweet, caring child that we all know he truly is.